1 year progress- Back to square one

Within the past year I made one of my biggest lifestyle changes in May of 2012. I started eating healthy, exercising, and educating myself on nutrition. By mid-august I had hit my lowest weight in years, 199 pounds. Once I started my senior year of college though, I completly fell off the bandwagon. Basically, all the progress I had made within the last year was destroyed and I am back to square one and why? Because I wanted to have fun and enjoy my senior year with my friends. I stopped taking care of myself, started drinking excessively, and stopped working out. I realized a little too late that I could not live the same lifestyle as my friends…and my that point I had dug myself in this hole.

I have been feeling so horrible about myself. I didn’t know what to do (and sometimes still don’t) and felt so lost.  If anyone said something to me I would take it the wrong way and think it was because they didn’t like me. I had all this negativity that needed a release. I felt ugly, fat, and not worthy of all the people who love me. My parents also came to visit me on the 12th (graduating with honors c: ) and we went to find a graduation dress. Lo and behold, none of them really fit me. Which led to more self-hatred.

This really scared me because I was never a person to hate myself or my body. Of course I didn’t feel attractive sometimes but to me it didn’t matter as long as I felt happy and comfortable in my own skin. Now though, I felt that my happiness depended on my weight…people liking me depended on my weight. How could I have lost my way?

Then one night all the negativity around me just crashed down on my that I felt like I was suffocating. All I could do was cry. Thankfully, my brother was awake at 2am (and even though he could barely keep his eyes open) helped talk me out of the negativity and to start cleaning up my life one step at a time. I started with cleaning my room (hahaha).  Started exercising and tracking what I eat again. I am trying to take it one day at a time, week by week to keep my sanity.

Huge update since i haven’t been on for the past week! Guys, I am finally below 200! I am happy about that but I know I haven’t been eating/ exercising as I should. I started my senior year of college last week so moving in/ classes have stressed me out to the max. I also started this medication that was screwing with my stomach. I never wanted to eat ): now it’s shark week and I’m hungry but my stomach hurts all the time so I feel nauseous thinking of food. Boo ): I also haven’t really exercised so I’m scared I’m losing muscle which is why I’ve lost 5 pounds this week… Wtf?

I feel beautiful in my workout clothes because I am doing something that will allow me to be the best me I can be.

Tiny bump in the road. Expected it since I ate junk food I haven’t eaten since 3 months ago. Not gonna worry about it, tiny bump not a gigantic mountain.

Just got back from camping this weekend.  Didn’t eat healthy at all but that’s okay. I need to start eating healthy again.  I don’t want to worry about it since its already in the past and there really isn’t any point freaking out on events I can no longer change.  Just need to continue this journey, eat healthy, and keep exercising. 

I think every once in a while falling from the wagon should be okay.  We are human and this teaches us to pick ourselves up and keep going.  This is a journey, not a sprint, and there will always be obstacles.   Which makes it more worthwhile :)

A good thing about this was that I noticed all the junk I ate tasted very different from what I remember.  I had hot dogs, smores, soda, and chips.  It was weird…and it also left me craving for more (which hasn’t been a problem once I started eating clean)

Did Week 6 Day 2 of C25K, I am so proud of myself!  I was able to walk/jog 2 miles in 30 minutes (including my warm-up)  Usually each mile would take 16-17 mins :)  I jog fairly slow since I feel like I have issues breathing. :/ Don’t know if anyone else goes through this but I panic as I am running jogging which makes everything worse.  I think after the Color me Rad 5k I will time my mile run (without warm-up.)  

Also FINALLY finished 30DS Level 1 Day 10!! 1/3 of the way done with it.  Oh yeah baby :D this is gonna happen. 

I went to get a check-up before I go back to college and the doctor was surprised that I was able to lose almost 20 pounds since he last saw me.  He was pretty happy for me.  The only downturn to this visit was that what I thought to be regular old pimples, turned out to be an infection on my face.  I never even had acne growing up! ):  Oh well.  The Doc gave me a couple of antibiotics to clear it up.  Hopefully good enough so I can return to school pimple/infection free.

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Couch to 5k - Jogging

I completed Week 5 Day 2 of the C25k app yesterday.  I was actually able to run it without dieing from a side stitch :)  For the past 2 times I tried completing the workout, halfway through I would get a side stitch, and would have to walk the rest of the way.  I think I just need to drink more water.  I increased my intake today and drank about 24 ounces an hour before my walk/jog/run. 

I clocked in my 5k at around 48ish minutes…not my best but not my worst either.  Since I am participating in the Color Me Rad 5k in San Jose in September, I hope I can get my time below 45 mins. *crosses fingers*

Dinner time :). Made a salad with my sister. This seriously didn’t even need any dressing or chicken. Very very yummy.

…okay I guess scrambled eggs it is….my omelette was just not meant to be. :(

Having some subway with my sister after our run.

I am beginning to dislike subway since I had to keep asking for extra veges and the lady kept glaring at me :/

My sister and I after 30 Day Shred - Level 1 Day 3

Oh yeah :) we keeping up on it lol. Thanks to my sister :) (Click here for her page!)

I do not know if I am just putting my heart into it this time but every day I am sweating buckets.  :)

Confession

When I was younger (probably elementary) my aunt and uncle bought these really cute pink shorts for my birthday.  I tried them on and they did not fit, I couldn’t even button them up!  I was so ashamed the shorts didn’t fit, I took them off and told my aunt and uncle that they did.  Then they kept badgering me to model the shorts for them.  On the verge of tears I told them the truth.  They just looked at me like they didn’t know what to say and then finally my aunt told me that its okay and she would return them, that I didn’t have to lie to her.  I think that was the first time I was ashamed of my weight. 

I always think back to this when I start losing motivation.  When I do get to a healthy weight I can look back and know how far I have come and will continue to go.

30 Day Shred once again

So I am doing 30DS again.  Every time I would start it, I would stop on day 6 or 7 of level 1 :/ This time I really want to push through and do all 30 days. *crosses fingers*  Also today I noticed that I do have some muscle definition when I flex my right arm…but not my left…lol. 

I need to step up my game since I have about a month until I start my last year of college :D Can’t wait until I head back to school and surprise my friends with my new lifestyle ;D 

Rant rant rant jdkls;a

So, throughout the entire summer my father, brother, and sometimes my mother have talked about my so called “diet.”  It frustrates me when they call it a diet then mock me when i say its a lifestyle change.  *Pulls hair out in frustration*

Now my brother decided that he wants to lose weight and follow my “diet.”  He wants to go from 190 to 175-180 (about 15 pounds) within the next 2-3 weeks which is feasible but highly unlikely since he is restricting his calorie intake to be too low.  It is already 7PM and he has at most consumed about 500 calories when he should at minimum have about 1700.  I don’t know what to do to get through his thick skull. -_-